Today I ran into this, because I like to use Twitter to torture myself.
Active consent does not work.
(aka Active) consent imposes verbal communication upon inherently physical intimacy.
Sexual communication is physical communication. Verbal communication in
sex is window dressing -- it can be fun, but it is not the substance of
People seek physical communication in sex
because shyness and uncertainty often render us unwilling to express what we want out
loud, where ambiguity falls away. Ambiguity is a useful tool in sex: its mystery maintains interest, provides adventure and leaves room for experimentation and play. Physical communication is a display of interest, of flirtation, of character and
assertiveness, of dominant and submissive roles. Physical communication is what makes sex
sexy. Verbal communication, especially when enforced for ideological
reasons, spoils the action, deflates the libido, creates barriers and
adds complications. The writer's idiom "Show, don't tell," is popular
for a reason: the goal is to create an experience, and "telling"
distracts from that experience.
Men are generally less
verbal than women. Their conscious experience is also more partitioned
and less holistic than women's, which means it's harder for them to
switch modes quickly between physical and verbal while maintaining
performance. Imposing verbal communication upon their physical
performance undermines their ability to perform.
It is misandrist of Feminists to impose mandatory verbal communication upon sexuality not only because it forces women's communication styles on men. Affirmative consent is also misandrist in its justifications: the reason men are expected to
communicate verbally is because otherwise, they will commit sexual
assault. Feminists treat the natural way men communicate in bed --
physically -- as sexual assault. This implies that sexual assault comes
naturally to men, that it is in their nature to assault, and that they
must fight this nature at all times. This is the original sin Feminism
assigns to men. It is hateful.
And along with all this comes a misrepresentation of women: it assumes we are always a hair trigger away from not wanting sex, as if none of us really get turned on by men in the first place. As if we're just putting up with them even as we say we love them. One small error, one disliked touch, and we've been assaulted. One miscommunication, and we're victims. This is a taste of the infantalization Feminism assigns to women. It is degrading.
Religious fanatics, Feminists, Social Justice Warriors, and anyone else with more ego than
human decency: stop trying to tell us how we're allowed to have sex.
Mind your own business. Stay out of our bedrooms. If we benefited from prioritizing verbal communication in sex, we would
want to do it, and thereby we would already be doing it. We do not need
to be told by a buch of paternalistic, invasive, sex-negative "personal is political" ninnies how to make our sex lives politically acceptable. Fuck your
politics. The next time you feel an urge to fuck with us, please go fuck yourselves instead. The personal is not political. The personal is private.