Friday, 12 August 2016

FTFY#2 - Affirmative Consent

Today I ran into this, because I like to use Twitter to torture myself.

Active consent does not work.

Affirmative (aka Active) consent imposes verbal communication upon inherently physical intimacy. Sexual communication is physical communication. Verbal communication in sex is window dressing -- it can be fun, but it is not the substance of the act.

People seek physical communication in sex because shyness and uncertainty often render us unwilling to express what we want out loud, where ambiguity falls away. Ambiguity is a useful tool in sex: its mystery maintains interest, provides adventure and leaves room for experimentation and play. Physical communication is a display of interest, of flirtation, of character and assertiveness, of dominant and submissive roles. Physical communication is what makes sex sexy. Verbal communication, especially when enforced for ideological reasons, spoils the action, deflates the libido, creates barriers and adds complications. The writer's idiom "Show, don't tell," is popular for a reason: the goal is to create an experience, and "telling" distracts from that experience.

Men are generally less verbal than women. Their conscious experience is also more partitioned and less holistic than women's, which means it's harder for them to switch modes quickly between physical and verbal while maintaining performance. Imposing verbal communication upon their physical performance undermines their ability to perform.

It is misandrist of Feminists to impose mandatory verbal communication upon sexuality not only because it forces women's communication styles on men. Affirmative consent is also misandrist in its justifications: the reason men are expected to communicate verbally is because otherwise, they will commit sexual assault. Feminists treat the natural way men communicate in bed -- physically -- as sexual assault. This implies that sexual assault comes naturally to men, that it is in their nature to assault, and that they must fight this nature at all times. This is the original sin Feminism assigns to men. It is hateful.

And along with all this comes a misrepresentation of women: it assumes we are always a hair trigger away from not wanting sex, as if none of us really get turned on by men in the first place. As if we're just putting up with them even as we say we love them. One small error, one disliked touch, and we've been assaulted. One miscommunication, and we're victims. This is a taste of the infantalization Feminism assigns to women. It is degrading.

Religious fanatics, Feminists, Social Justice Warriors, and anyone else with more ego than human decency: stop trying to tell us how we're allowed to have sex. Mind your own business. Stay out of our bedrooms. If we benefited from prioritizing verbal communication in sex, we would want to do it, and thereby we would already be doing it. We do not need to be told by a buch of paternalistic, invasive, sex-negative "personal is political" ninnies how to make our sex lives politically acceptable. Fuck your politics. The next time you feel an urge to fuck with us, please go fuck yourselves instead. The personal is not political. The personal is private.

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